Yes you read this right… MP George Galloway should really have his “Israel free” “Jews free” Bradford. Galloway says he wants no Israelis, no Jews, no Israeli goods, no tourists and no academics in Bradford.
We say – good for you Dear Galloway! Here’s a list to make life easy for you – the following are “Israeli goods” that you should immediately throw out, not just from your home and office but the whole town! Pay close attention!
(Full list and source: http://freeplanetickettonorthkorea.tumblr.com/boycott-israel)
Part One – Technology and Food
First, remove all Intel Pentium and Celeron computer processor chips from personal computers (desktops, laptops and notebooks) as these were either developed or manufactured in Israel.
Note that the revolutionary new Ivy Bridge processor will be manufactured in Israel. Any computers running the Windows XT operating system must be turned off immediately as this was developed in Israel. All current Microsoft operating systems are not to be used as Microsoft is heavily reliant on its Israel R&D centre.
Step 2. Any computers that still work need to have their anti-virus software and personal firewalls removed as this technology originated in Israel. The organisation’s firewall will also need to be switched off. Staff should no longer open external emails as most of these will be infected with viruses. No outgoing emails can be sent. The algorithm (code) that’s used today for sending e-mails, was made by an Israeli who worked at the Ben-Gurion University in Be’er-Sheva in 1980.
Step 3. Discard all mobile phones, as this technology was developed in Israel, where the first mobile phones were manufactured. Mobile chip technology from a single Israeli company has now been installed in over 100 million devices. Only top-level staff may retain mobile phones for emergency situations. However the use of SMS (Texting) is expressly forbidden as this facility was developed in Israel. No 4G devices can be used, as the chipset is Israeli.
Step 4. Turn off your voice-mail service and delete any recorded messages. Israeli companies invented the voice-mail system. If someone you do not know answers your phone-call, then hang up. Israeli call-centres and call-centre technology is in widespread operation in the UK.
Step 5. Before accepting any printed material, check that the supplier has not used the Israeli device that might have saved up to 50% of the ink used.
Step 6. At home, do not use Facebook as many in-built and add-on applications are Israeli-developed. Do not watch videos on the Internet as the platform used to upload them may be from AOL and hence from an Israeli company. Do not use the Internet to search for answers to your questions as this may involve use of an Israeli-developed search engine. Better to remain unenlightened.
Step 7. On your TV or home entertainment centre, do not use Video On Demand (VOD) to watch movies as you may inadvertently see an advert displayed usingIsraeli software. Do not purchase any games devices as these are likely to use Israeli technology.
Step 8. Do not read books using an e-book as this may contain Israeli technology. Do not use data storage as it may have been developed at Israel’s storage technology R&D center.
Step 9. Do not buy an electric car as it is likely to be powered with an Israeli battery or use Israeli developed charging mats. Continue to sit in traffic knowing that you are polluting the environment and financing oil-rich despotic regimes.
Turning to food and drink, all food outlets on the organisation’s premises must dispose of cherry tomatoes, which were developed in Israel. Staff must ensure that no cherry tomatoes are included in sandwiches brought into office premises. The ban also applies to honey and any products derived from honey. Israel has developed solutions to the worldwide problem of bee-colony collapse, so that any products derived from bees might only be available now due to an Israeli invention.
Avoid any fruit from South Africa or Peru as produce from these countries is being marketed with Israeli brand names.
No agricultural products from the following areas must be consumed as they use water irrigation and agricultural technology provided directly from Israel. This includes most of Africa, China, India, Indonesia (a Muslim country), Nepal and many others.
Much fruit and vegetables (including organic) imported into the UK has been enhanced using Israeli technology. This may save millions of people from starving around the world, but is not a good reason for you to eat it. To be safe, only eat fruit and vegetables that you have grown yourself using seeds that have been in your family for generations.
Part Two – Staff Health.
Destroy all personal medication. Israel’s Teva Pharmaceuticals, the largest generic drugs company in the world, will have manufactured many of your medicines. Staff with the following illnesses will need to take specific precautions.
Cancer – do not take any form of medication or treatment. Israeli scientists have been working at the forefront of oncology for decades.
AIDS and HIV – beware; researchers at Israel’s Weizmann Institute or Hebrew University developed or improved AZT and Hypericin-based drugs; they have also developed a treatment that destroys HIV-infected cells without damaging healthy ones.
Diabetes – do not measure or inject Insulin using the devices developed by Israeli scientists.
Staff with a family history of heart disease and arteriosclerosis must not use the Israeli device for early detection of these. Rather, wait until onset of the disease.
Staff or relatives with Age-related Macular Degeneration – remove Israeli implantsthat arrest the disease.
Liver disease – abandon Israeli-developed antibody immunotherapy treatments.
Emphysema – steer clear of the Israeli protein replacement therapy.
Myeloma – stop taking the drug Velcade, which was developed over a period of 30 years by scientists at Haifa.
Sleep apnea – no tests using the breakthrough Israeli device for diagnosis.
Dyslexics must not benefit from the Israeli Internet-based reading system.
Skin allergies must be treated with steroid creams only, as the new safer non-steroid alternative is Israeli.
Any incident of stroke or head trauma or onset of Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, MS, epilepsy, glaucoma or brain tumor must avoid using any of the Weizmann Institute’s patented methods of treatment.
Before any surgery or medical tests, check that hospital catheters have not been protected from infection using the new plastic from Israel that disables microorganisms. Avoid throat surgery as this may utilize Israeli surgical lasers.
Ensure any colonoscopy or gastro investigation does not use internal Israeli cameras such as the Pillcam. Never undergo surgery to install an artificial heart, as the first artificial heart transplant took place in Israel.
Kidney transplant patients must wait for donors of the same blood group as only Israel’s revolutionary new methods allow donors from other blood groups. Staff of Arab origin must not make use of the only database for matching potential Arab donors of bone-marrow – in Israel.
In the event of a spinal injury or disease, do not accept spinal implants – likely to be an Israeli product or development. Heart rhythm problems must not be solved with the Israeli-developed heart pulse generator. All heart stents are off-limits as most of these originate from Israeli medical companies.
Check all vaccines as many of these have been developed in Israel. Ensure that all X-rays do carry a radiation risk, as the only radiation-free system is Israeli. Treatments derived from Stem Cell research must be avoided as most of theseare Israeli-developed.
If you or your family are struck with a bacterial infection, do not take alternatives to older, ineffective bacteria-resistant antibiotics, as an Israeli discovery will have been responsible for the modern, effective drugs. Check that any pain relief medication is not based on soya as an Israeli doctor discovered the beneficial effect of the soya bean.
Do not use the revolutionary new Israeli bandage that saved the life of Arizona senator Gabriella Giffords after she was shot in the head. If you break a bone badly, reject any treatment that involves introducing collagen, as this may have been manufactured from Israeli plants.
Do not protect babies and infants from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome with the Babysense system from Israel.
Do not use Epilady (or epilator) – two Israelis invented this hair removal device.
Finally, reject all major dental treatment, as your teeth may need to be scanned with an Israeli-developed dental scanner.
(Full list and source: http://freeplanetickettonorthkorea.tumblr.com/boycott-israel)
The list actually goes on but we think this is enough for MP George Galloway and his cohorts to start with. Good luck and send us a post card from the middle ages to tell us how you’re doing!